Guest Blogger: Tammy Fletcher, MA
“When my husband and I went through this process, it was like a roller coaster. We had no one to talk to.”
“I had a miscarriage after months of trying to conceive. My family says I am young, I can try again. No one understands how I feel.”
“As a lesbian single woman trying to conceive, I had little support. I longed for a child, always had. I keep trying but it’s not easy.”
“My wife is going through so much right now. Every month she goes into a depression when she gets her period. Is it worth all this?”
When doing a search for “Infertility and Counseling,” most resources offer information on in vitro fertilization, genetic counseling, surrogacy, egg/sperm donors, and even financial planning for the process. All of this information is valuable for anyone trying to conceive (TTC). What is often missing is support for dealing with the emotional side of the TTC process. Infertility can affect your self-esteem and your outlook on life and your relationship.
TTC and infertility are much more than physical processes. Most people experience a variety of emotional issues after a diagnosis of infertility. Medical treatments involving hormones, lab tests, and procedures like semen analysis and egg transfer can add to feelings of stress, confusion, anxiety, and sadness. Each month, you may be holding your breath for a positive outcome, but feel uncertain it will come. It is no wonder individuals and couples trying to conceive express the need for support and understanding.
Some things to remember if you are trying to conceive, or you or your partner have been diagnosed with infertility:
* This can be a trying time; self-care is vital to help you cope with emotional and physical stress.
* Become as educated as you can about options in treatment. Your health care professional should be your partner in the process, able to answer your questions and help you know what to expect.
* Couples: don’t lose touch with each other or your relationship. Communication and mutual support are vital right now – for both of you.
* Don’t forget that sex is about intimacy, too. While this can be challenging when you are monitoring your ovulation cycle, for example, take time to connect with your partner and maintain your bond of intimacy.
* Not everyone will understand what you are going through, and some may even make thoughtless remarks in their efforts to offer comfort. You may find support from others in the same situation, such as support groups or therapy.
* There can be feelings of grief and loss, too, particularly you experience miscarriage. Honor these feelings and be gentle with yourself.
* Make time for other areas in your life that will help you stay balanced: work, friends and family, hobbies, exercise, and relaxation.
Working through this process with a professional therapist can help provide the support and empowerment you need during this time. Do not overlook the importance of your emotional wellbeing while facing fertility issues. Professional therapy can help you feel more positive about the process, as well as strengthening your bond as a couple.
At Narrative Contemporary Therapy, we welcome your call to learn more about how we can help, or to schedule an appointment. We can provide supportive therapy throughout all stages of the experience of TTC and infertility treatment, for individuals, couples, and families. Contact us at (619) 261-4221 for information. My direct line is (619) 252-9811.
Showing posts with label Intimacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intimacy. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Thriving in Your Fifties
Guest Blogger: Tammy Fletcher
“Where did this AARP membership card come from, and how did it get my name on it?”
Me
The fifties. Really? Me?? My glib comeback to anyone who asks is “Well, it beats the alternative, right?” My honest response is more contemplative, and as I moved into this decade my thoughts evolve around acceptance of this new category I found myself in. Talking with friends and clients, I see I am not alone in examining what moving into the fifties means.
What I hear from others is that getting older impacts many areas in life. The physical, emotional, chemical (hello hormones!), our work lives, and life changes like kids and parents growing older too. It can be challenging to find a lot to celebrate about this time in our lives, when we realize we may have more years behind us than ahead of us.
Physical Changes
I silently cheer every time I see a media star featured as fit, sexy, and beautiful after 50. Thank goodness our society is beginning to take some baby steps away from the idea that after 22 it’s all downhill, especially for women. The fact remains our bodies change, our skin shows signs of wear and tear, extra pounds creep up, gray hairs seem to multiply overnight. We compare cholesterol levels with friends and find that spicy food may no longer be our friend.
The good news is, fellow Baby Boomers, there are millions of us out there. I see more and more sites like Aging Abundantly and Sex after 40, all celebrating this amazing age. We may have more years behind than ahead, but the wisdom, life experience, and compassion we bring to those years are invaluable.
Emotional Changes
The term “mid-life crisis” is thrown around a lot, sort of a punch line or an explanation for deviant behavior. Some people in mid-life do experience emotional crisis. Children growing up and leaving home, parents aging, increasing competition in the workforce, and health issues are some events that can trigger an emotional upheaval. The truth is, however, that a life crisis can occur at any age. For every man in his fifties who buys a shiny new red convertible to recapture the carefree days of youth, there is a 25-year-old with a new Masters degree and a head full of self doubt and worry about what the future holds. No age is immune from crisis of identity. It is true that aging brings physical changes that can make us vulnerable to emotional ups and downs. Menopause is a good example. When your body’s chemistry is shifting, your emotions are probably going to shift with it until balance is regained. Keeping up with exercise, a healthy diet, and regular check-ups with your doctor can help you find your balance that much sooner.
Workplace Changes
I worked as a Career Counselor for several years prior to becoming a psychotherapist, and yes, there can be age discrimination in the workplace. I coached many 50+ job seekers and nearly all expressed dread at competing with twenty-somethings in the workforce. On the other hand, I found many employers who were eager to hire someone they perceived as stable, mature, with a wealth of life experience. My work with job seekers in midlife covered not only standard interviewing skills, but included personal coaching to improve self image and ways to help them see that in many cases, age could work in their favor.
Sexuality
Let’s face it – in the media we don’t see a lot of happy, healthy people in midlife. When a 50-year-old is on a TV commercial, chances are it’s to promote a pill for bone loss, intestinal dysfunction, or impotence. Not particularly sexy. A quick reality check – people who are sexual in their twenties are likely to stay that way into their fifties, sixties, and beyond. Our most important sex organ is the brain – self image starts there. If you are feeling good about yourself, that will impact your sexuality. Sex may change with age, but the quality of intimacy can actually improve.
These are some of the issues facing Baby Boomers today. Let’s hope that society begins to change its stereotyped view of the 50-year-old. More than that, let’s support one another as we move into this decade and beyond. No matter what your age, continue your journey of self-exploration, growth, and joy in your life. When that AARP card with your name on it arrives, use it, toss it, or just have a laugh at how far you have come. Then get out there and live each day to its fullest.
“Where did this AARP membership card come from, and how did it get my name on it?”
Me
The fifties. Really? Me?? My glib comeback to anyone who asks is “Well, it beats the alternative, right?” My honest response is more contemplative, and as I moved into this decade my thoughts evolve around acceptance of this new category I found myself in. Talking with friends and clients, I see I am not alone in examining what moving into the fifties means.
What I hear from others is that getting older impacts many areas in life. The physical, emotional, chemical (hello hormones!), our work lives, and life changes like kids and parents growing older too. It can be challenging to find a lot to celebrate about this time in our lives, when we realize we may have more years behind us than ahead of us.
Physical Changes
I silently cheer every time I see a media star featured as fit, sexy, and beautiful after 50. Thank goodness our society is beginning to take some baby steps away from the idea that after 22 it’s all downhill, especially for women. The fact remains our bodies change, our skin shows signs of wear and tear, extra pounds creep up, gray hairs seem to multiply overnight. We compare cholesterol levels with friends and find that spicy food may no longer be our friend.
The good news is, fellow Baby Boomers, there are millions of us out there. I see more and more sites like Aging Abundantly and Sex after 40, all celebrating this amazing age. We may have more years behind than ahead, but the wisdom, life experience, and compassion we bring to those years are invaluable.
Emotional Changes
The term “mid-life crisis” is thrown around a lot, sort of a punch line or an explanation for deviant behavior. Some people in mid-life do experience emotional crisis. Children growing up and leaving home, parents aging, increasing competition in the workforce, and health issues are some events that can trigger an emotional upheaval. The truth is, however, that a life crisis can occur at any age. For every man in his fifties who buys a shiny new red convertible to recapture the carefree days of youth, there is a 25-year-old with a new Masters degree and a head full of self doubt and worry about what the future holds. No age is immune from crisis of identity. It is true that aging brings physical changes that can make us vulnerable to emotional ups and downs. Menopause is a good example. When your body’s chemistry is shifting, your emotions are probably going to shift with it until balance is regained. Keeping up with exercise, a healthy diet, and regular check-ups with your doctor can help you find your balance that much sooner.
Workplace Changes
I worked as a Career Counselor for several years prior to becoming a psychotherapist, and yes, there can be age discrimination in the workplace. I coached many 50+ job seekers and nearly all expressed dread at competing with twenty-somethings in the workforce. On the other hand, I found many employers who were eager to hire someone they perceived as stable, mature, with a wealth of life experience. My work with job seekers in midlife covered not only standard interviewing skills, but included personal coaching to improve self image and ways to help them see that in many cases, age could work in their favor.
Sexuality
Let’s face it – in the media we don’t see a lot of happy, healthy people in midlife. When a 50-year-old is on a TV commercial, chances are it’s to promote a pill for bone loss, intestinal dysfunction, or impotence. Not particularly sexy. A quick reality check – people who are sexual in their twenties are likely to stay that way into their fifties, sixties, and beyond. Our most important sex organ is the brain – self image starts there. If you are feeling good about yourself, that will impact your sexuality. Sex may change with age, but the quality of intimacy can actually improve.
These are some of the issues facing Baby Boomers today. Let’s hope that society begins to change its stereotyped view of the 50-year-old. More than that, let’s support one another as we move into this decade and beyond. No matter what your age, continue your journey of self-exploration, growth, and joy in your life. When that AARP card with your name on it arrives, use it, toss it, or just have a laugh at how far you have come. Then get out there and live each day to its fullest.
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